#385 ; Happy

You know you are stronger than this.3

I need to vent, to whine, to rant, to scream. I can't stand it being choked inside my heart. I am glad people are teaching me to be a better person. But I am not happy on why the fuck can somehow or another people can actually be so good yet in the end, they are just not that good. I don't know what the hell am I saying but I am very uncomfortable. Unhappy. Like yesterday I wrote in my Dayre, I come early, I leave early, I come late, I leave late. The thing about my office contract is, you have to be in the office from 10am to 430pm and you must at least complete 8 hours of your work from the time you come. I don't understand is why do they have to be picky. I come at 8am. Logically, I can go home at 5pm. But colleagues beg to differ. They want me to leave at 530pm or even 6pm. Ya. I did my work till 6plus sometimes yet, out of 5 days, I leave at 510pm. I get a roll in the eyes. Seriously? I don't understand, don't get it. Why the hell is this like that? I have a colleague who is practically only handling one person's item but she is sooo free most of the time whereas all my work kept coming endlessly. It never ends. I don't even know who the hell can help me if I were to go on long leave. I know there are eyes here and there to see and I believe people can see what am I doing. I don't meant to whine at them sometimes, but sometimes I just need someone to appreciate my pain. I do so much things yet in the end, just because I leave at 510pm, 515pm, I get all the yelling at. I know no one has said much but its just makes me feel really uncomfortable. I know work is work, I do my work, I don't do shit although I surf abit of net. But I complete my tasks, yet I am always the weirdest. I don't joke, I don't say much, because I am not a person who knows how to be a sweet person. I have to admit that. Ya you can joke, can laugh, can say but I am the kind that really do my part, and smile. Afterall, I want to finish tasks and not basically treat the whole world as my friend. They are my boss, I show that level. I don't want to go against. I might be shitty, but that doesn't mean I am not growing. I am depressed because sometimes, I don't know what the fuck is one thinking. Asking me to act on it when I am always doing my work. You ask what, I do what despite SOMETIMES I go home early. Seriously? I don't know, don't get it. It just makes me feel really upset and uncomfortable. Yeah, I am considering to test the market next week. Just try out or something. I know I am NOT supposed to think this way but it kept hitting me and I got the urge. I am NOT kidding at all. What Bboy♥told me, I agree with him and I go stronger with every lesson he taught me. Is just people just try to keep making me down and I am just trying to be as strong as I can. That's who I am. I learnt to be stronger although my character is not as perfect as Bboy♥ and the colleagues I have. I am upset, but I don't whine. I learnt, I suck it up, I be stronger. That's who I am and what I want to be.

It's always great to whine at Blogger, you always listen. Sometimes, at my lowest point I remember Blogger is always there. Maybe because I am also sick, I have such shitty thoughts. Today is Saturday, I want to be a happy girl on a Saturday. Learn to trust yourself FIRST before trusting other people. Haha. I am hearing some sad songs and it is making me think of all my memories in life. From Winnie to Randal to DAn to Jasmine to Vivian to Bboy♥ to everyone. I am a bad friend but I have to say I love my friends and everyone who ever appeared in my life as well. I am not going to think anymore. I have grumbled enough and that makes me glad enough.