Love. Hope. Faith. Happiness.

To the most important person in my life, Happy 21st Birthday to you.

接受也是一种解脱。 After doing retail therapy today, I had made up my mind. I am not giving a single fuck anymore. I am just going to accept whatever comes in my life. 他们要给我一人一脸或这个那个不爽，我已经无所谓了。I have been down yesterday and today but I woke up to my senses. 我必须勇敢面对一切风风浪浪 no matter how bullshit it is going to get. Being strong isn't that easy but I know, I will stand up my two feet and be happy again.

Teach me how to numb those emotions. I feel like crap. Really like crap. I am doing all I can not to think of any shit but still, I am feeling all crap. I am lost, I am scared. I don't seemed to feel a glimpse of happiness. I wish all things can go back in time , but it seemed that things got even worse. Lost, but what else can I do? Afterall, I am just literally feel like a dozens of needle stabbing me! Seriously, what the fuck manzxc. I can't think of anything to cheer me up, NOTHING AT ALL! Whatever I do just doesn't feel right, the whole feeling is like crap shit. Shit fucked up! I don't know why on earth such thing has to happen to me. Am I even at the fault right from the start? I feel like a criminal. I feel like dying. I don't know what is this but its eating me up! I swear I hate it. But who can I speak with? Probably alone, I guess. I can't seemed to do anything to make all right again. Right from the very beginning, if you didn't force me none

Suki Desu Suzuki-kun!! ; 好きです鈴木くん!!  At age 13, four classmates have just started junior high school: Sayaka, Hikaru, Chihiro, and Shinobu. While Sayaka and Hikaru instantly develop an attraction towards each other, Chihiro, Hikaru's childhood friend, secretly pines for him while the spoiled Shinobu (who shares the same last name as Hikaru but with no relation to him) falls in love with Chihiro. Throughout their junior high years, the four sort out their feelings. During their second year of junior high, at the age of 15, all of them break off relations with their love. However, when they are all reunited at the age of 17, during their second year of high school, everything has changed, and they cannot go back to what they used to be. I read this manga awhile back and that's the first manga I will actually bother to read the chinese one at 17kk . I read finish the entire thing within 3 days! Though I kinda like slept so late but it's totally worth my time. Well, Hosh

All the time, you have been important. I have been dreaming about you for the past few days. The dreams felt so real, felt like you are just there. I have no clues what to say but I was so surprised you appeared in my dreams. Maybe your birthday is coming, maybe that's why I have this dreams about you. Taking polaroid with you, chit chatting with you. Everything simply feels like so true. Your birthday is coming, I am happy to have someone like you in my life. Though we haven't spoke for months / years but I know I miss you alot. I don't know why or what causes this gap between us but those feelings we have since the day I know marks a chapter for me. Yes, I want our friendship to keep going on. But why there's this gap? Knowing you for almost a decade is definitely something I am cherishing for a lifetime. I can have many friends but it just doesn't feel like anyone can make you go away from my heart. Dreams of you simply makes me wanna to hang out with you aga

Though it aches, but it's still a beautiful lesson learnt. Once, I took a risk. A risk that changed my whole life, a risk that almost killed me. I guess that's one thing I don't regret yet I have to live it in my life, have it for the rest of my lives. Well, I guess everyone has a risk that they know they took and still go for it despite the stakes are high. In my life, I probably have to admit my relationships are the ones who made me grow up and be a better person. Every now and then, a certain particular one will just appear in my head. Like I mentioned a lot of times, only a few has the ability to stop by my mind and leave me lovely memories. When I have the urge to blog about, the words just come, the emotions just come, everything will just be accordingly. It's not about when I plan to type or say, it's just a matter of when the emotions & words come. That's how strange my mind is. So therefore, I am going to blog about another of my relationship,

For the love God given me, Till today I have no intention to let it go. I will cherish it further and never let anyone look down upon me.

Fuck you for making me cry, I swear I won't let you step upon me anymore. Call me weak, call me useless, call me gutless, call me coward, call me anything you want. I am really afraid of being in this place. You won't have any idea how much you can get killed. I don't know why but after crying today, I am determined to be strong. I am really determined to be strong this time round. No one is gonna be a friend, but just colleague. Only those close with me shall be known as friend. I always thought working is a good thing but I guess, I am so foolish. But this time round, I won't be so foolish anymore. I won't drop in the damn hole anymore. I am determined to draw a firm line between me and the people. Certain people really pisses me off. Yes, I should have rejected, I should not even let her touch my computer, yet she happily just go my table, search her name and use my computer which is my name to do things. I broke down, I am feeling what the fuck, I am feeling

It's not easy to find colleagues who you can speak freely with. Today I officially let two of my colleagues know my blog. Can I consider them more as a friend or colleague? I know them less than two months but being with them makes me feel warm just like how the previous one has. Yeah, they are bidding farewell soon. I know the feeling is gonna eat me awhile but I believe, its a new beginning for them and a beginning of a friendship. Goodbyes maybe hard but what still matters is as long as you know this very person exist, its special enough. I am a very blunt person but I appreciate love and warmth by people. I can easily get hooked if someone sincerely showed me, that they are really nice. I guess this is called I trust a lot. Weird me, but that's why I known myself as strange. I love the two ladies I just known. Be it in work or personal, I had fun. I enjoyed myself in their company. We can chat like there's no tomorrow. We can giggle for as much as we want. We can share

在星空里，我最深爱的男人是你。杜永强。 想你的时候很幸苦因为我不能看到你。很想很想抱你，告诉你我爱你。因为你，我有了力量，我有了快乐。好想好想你。至少还有你叫我什么是，管好自己的事，不需理会别人的事。对你又爱又恨，可是自己知道不能没有你。你不知道你真的能让我喜怒哀乐，很不容易克是因为有了你在我身边，一切变得很美好。好多话想对你说可是我知道你不喜欢我太肉麻。所以只能发给你短短的SMS。很希望你能一直对我疼爱因为是你对我的爱令我勇敢地活下去。在困难，你的话永远在。虽然你的脾气很坏，可是就是你的直接让我知道自己一定要勇敢。很讨厌我们吵架的时候因为会很想分手可是自己只说不会做。公司好多烦死人的东西可是幸亏有你，让我知道一切的不如意一定会过去。自从找到这一份工，很烦每天听到难听的东西可是我告诉自己，为了你，一定一定会好好过。一切都是为我们的爱，我们的未来。 ♥ Love you a lot, a lot and I don't want this love to die.  I know it's tough to overcome all the shit in my house, But our love will never say die. Am I right? For the fact that we can go through all the shit,  I am happy to have you always there supporting me with all your love.

 Why do we have so many emotions? Today, a colleague of mine asked me a random question. A question which I can't found an answer to. Given a deep thought to it but still, I can't answer how did I actually can do such a thing. Have I ever mentioned, " I shared a boyfriend with another girl before? . Well, I did. I did share, further details of my past will be shared next time. If I remember. The colleague asked me how did I do it? What happened to her was recently, she found out her husband was cheating on her with another woman. She wants to salvage the marriage but at the meantime, your heart seemed to be dying day by day. You know a front? She simply give me the feel, she's putting up a front. She wants to forgive her husband but she can't do it. She wants to start afresh with the husband but she can't do it. Her husband is also not doing anything and he simply feels like he doesn't give a shit anymore to their marriage of going 8 years. She asked m

Life is short, so live it.  Love is rare, so grab it.  Fear controls you, so face it.  Memories are precious, so cherish them.  We only get one life, so live it!

The beauty.

Just be you, people will love you for you. Good morning, It's Monday . The long holiday are over So that means it's time to work all over again. I am totally suffering from #MondayBlues . You know the super nua-ish feeling? I am totally facing that now. Hohoho, the long weekend is total awesome. I get to catch GI Joe ; Retaliation with my Bboy♥ at Marina Square It has been quite awhile since we catch a movie together. Soooo, we watched that. My goshhh, the cinema was so cold ! But I get to wear my beloved Bboy♥ 's cosy jacket It was so warm and fuzzy!!! Totally feeling the love in the jacket. Hees, thank you Bboy♥ After that, on Friday which is Good Friday , we went over to Malaysia . Initially we didn't go cos it was so jammed. So we went over to Clementi for breakfast. Ate lontong, sooo spicy. Literally can die of the spicy-ness! Then we went over to IMM to walk and kill some time. Well, didn't buy much of anything. But I managed to buy my Pan