#305 ; Strength
People change. People accept. People hate. People love. People appreciate. People care. People fuck.
All of a sudden, I am thinking of all the people in the world. Maybe I am just referring to myself. I guess I am just thinking of certain things and it is making me thinking a lot. I think I am changing. I am changing to a different person. Maybe a better person? I hope. I made a move last night, I got a words by people to encourage me. Someone told me "You probably already know what to do, just want to hear advises all around.". I think that simply applies to me. I did something I didn't quite expect myself to do, then I did it. I didn't think much and just state the truth. All of a sudden, I sat down thinking if I made the right move or not. I know I did that, but I felt guilty. But I know the guilty is just a facade. Probably not guilty , just maybe afraid did I jeopardize anything? I hope not. I want to be in somewhere long. I do not want to play mind games. I do not , really do not want to. But I am just afraid, a single move leads to instant death. Well, am I a coward? I hope I am not. I hope whatever I am doing are all the right moves. I don't know why do I worry so much but probably ever since I started working here, more daring things have been done by me and more things that I can never imagine myself doing. No idea if its good or bad but probably, I am just going through the stage of life. Not some really awesome person but I realize myself, making a lot of moves in life. From bad to good, from immature to mature, from many things I have never ever done to the things I am beginning to do. I hope I am not being evil or something. Hoping that I make things all right. As times go by, I do doubt myself a lot but I know it's no point thinking so much when it doesn't help at all. I will do everything with all I can. I have to confess, I may dislike that person a lot, but I don't truly hate one unless it really gets on my nerves. Sometimes, I don't know the way I am doing things. Is it right or wrong? But I have to say, thank you for people that have been constantly giving me advises. I am thankful for their very words and encouraging. I have to say, I think I suck but I really hope I can cure the suck part soon. Because for all the things that I might do right or wrong, I am still glad that there are words by many to chill me. I am so happy to have that. I don't know if I will be a different person but I guess, whatever I am doing, I am doing for a greater good. I don't know what am I doing by asking and hinting everywhere but I hope what I am doing is better. Life is always making a mess of everyone including myself. I am not some perfect human but I am just one that probably loves and accept the things in life. I have done a lot of good and bad things. But I hope the things I did bad, I am able to mend my errors and no longer causing any crap. I know someday, I will be backstabbed by someone or even kill literally but I hope for all the things I have done, it's correct instead of wrong. No idea what lays ahead of me, but I will embrace in all things in this world. Let's probably be strong, be positive and look ahead. I want to embrace everything proudly, knowing for all things I done are right. Though in the event I might do something wrong, but at least faith and hope given me the right choice. How tough life may gets but it always make one stronger. I really hope I am doing all the right things. I believe and I have to do it. At least you know what you are doing, that's all it really matters right now. Again, I have to say I have to believe in myself and of course, believe the fact that God will always guide in the light of Path.
