#271 ; A random past
Do you have a past which existed and wished it never exist at all?
Today, I chanced upon a person from my past. Wanted to reach out and say hi but I stopped and stumbled. Memories of that particular person that was once in my life made me hate my past a lot. Was in the LRT thinking about that person and I told myself, probably this is karma. Probably this is why DAn left me in pieces but to think about it, I did not ever cheat on any ex boyfriend(s) of mine. Maybe I did just to forget the first and that's the karma upon being hurt by DAn so badly. I have been thinking that awhile but I realized I have hurted as much as they are hurt. Because of a man, I tried loving yet the whole truth is I never once get over him till I found DAn. I know among all the ex boyfriend I have, there are those that really love me and there are those who love me for my body. Thank God, I am still a virgin. In fact, my love life was all crap. All fucked up. If I can return back to my past, I will definitely change my whole love life. That's one part that ruined my life a lot. Been hurt , and hurt many person in the process. That person isn't an awesome person, and he's a Malay. I know I hated him and I wasn't glad to actually mix with him. I feel dirty, that's all I recall. I don't know why but multiple things in my past makes me hate myself, hate all shit, hate all the fucked up things. But there are the things that make us grow up, isn't it? I am upset for the stupidity I am last time.
But things doesn't change. We just have to admit the reality we have before. I am thankful for forgetting things not valuable to me. But I know, I am still hurt and haunted by my past. They can come attacking me so easily when I am at my weakest or just simply chancing upon them. I have to admit, I am a person who can think a lot of things if I want to. I can simply recall things that seemed to be over for a really long time. Lately, I also spoke to Faith. A lady who I am in shock of how can I actually do something like that. She brings back memories. Hurted her and she hurt me as well. It's the same thing again. But the fact that we were really close once is a fact that will never change ever again. Something that's worth for me to remember myself. Don't wish to share with any soul because nothing can ever change the past. Change anything at all. Ya, I still can't believe how come so many things have changed. I saw him and he's well. As long as people I know of are well, that's really good. At least they are happy, they are glad, that's a good news for me. Currently, I just happen to think of all the random things in my little life. Chancing upon certain people always trigger memories. Be it good or bad. I am very accepting towards all the things in my life. Oh well, life ! Not much of a sweet talker , just frank with my words. No point hiding how I feel. Currently, I have this sudden thought of that person. Well well, that's stupid but he fuck off my mind very easily. Because such shit like him doesn't deserve to be even in my own mind. Silly me. But no worries, I am just sharing with my dear blogger this. What's there to share? Nothing big. Well, glad to be who I am today. Maybe the greatest thing is being able to be with my Bboy♥. Failed in multiple relationship but at least right now, I know this relationship I will definitely cherish. Let's just hope all the people I know of and not speak anymore are doing well and fine wherever they are. No need to say so much and be glad ~ That's the way life works right now.
