#09 ; 小邢

You will always be a part of me.

Have you ever bicker with someone, yet still close with someone before? I did, once. In the end, I fell for him as well. It has been nine long years since I last seen him. The geek boy. Probably I am even more geekier, but it brings back memories. No idea what's with the sudden thought of him. But he just pops in like how Jordan pops in. Sometimes when I think back about the memories with him, I can't help it but miss those times excluding bad times. Let's name him, maybe the name I used to always known him as. FH. The name that lasted in my diary for years , and always a person that I cherish.

I know FH through my first best friend, Rachel Chen. She's considered as my first best friend during my Primary School Days. During Primary School Days, your results determined the class you go. So I met FH during the last day of my Primary 3 term. Rachel told me, he's gonna be in the same class as me. 4C. Both of them always bicker and my head always have this impression of , he bullies Rachel and I must not be friends with him. So as usual, enjoyed my end of Primary 3. Eventually the begin of Primary 4, everyone was assigned a seat and I sat beside him. We bicker a lot, chat a lot, but we bicker a lot but we are simply very close. I argued with him like nobody's business. We were even complained for talking too much till our teacher has to separate us. Eventually, we split and we still chat as always whenever there are chances. I know my memories with him are always we are bickering or what. But eventually, we just still as close as ever. We had our codes as well , we were simply always chatting. I remember one event. A friend close with us kissed him on the cheek, simply so happy. I forgot why but I know FH is the first to teach me how to take Bus 300. Memories. Many think we are couple but we ain't. I even let him read my personal diary, he even wrote things. I know I made fun of him , push him to other girls and many silly things. I think that's when I realized I fell for him. I remember once, he got to head off to Australia, Perth. I missed him. But he made the effort to really call me and guess what? Among all, I received a special gift from him when he's back. He even chat with me for hours when he's back in Singapore. I remember how happy I was. When he stopped taking school bus, I will always peek for a red scooter as his dad send him to school. I know we had nicknames as well. I know him as Luo Han Yu all sorts of ridiculous kiddy names. We were just that close. I know I am really happy being beside him. I also know he has this one strand of gold hair. I also remembered , his mom treated me Fillet O Fish. How I wish I can go back those times again. Can you believe I received postcard from him? We even made a 21 year old pact , which means 1 more year. We even bought guppies together, naming it as a name combined of Ian + Danielle. We even made wish at our school, many memories.

Things start to change when we have to go different classes. I become a person that is so weird. I even made him hate me by heading over his place, putting a drawing of people drawing us in his dad's shoes. After that, his mom scolded me, he also scolded me. Considered as I destroyed our relationship. Maybe that is the time my crush / love for him has increased and I started being someone I am not. I yearn to see him more and I get jealous over mini things when I see him with others. Bad news came when I was Primary Five. He has to head over to Australia, emigrate? Migrate? Idk which to use. I headed over to Popular at Lot 1 to have a final peek at him. I don't know if he saw me or not , but it was the last day I can see him. Goodbye are always the hardest.

Words are never enough to express what is inside my feelings for this special guy. He will always holds a special place inside my heart. Be it I have ex boyfriends / boyfriend, FH will always and forever be one that lives in me. Time are always so fast to go away but memories are the one always lingering inside. I crushed for him for many years before I found my first love. But I don't regret the times we spent. Maybe I was childish at that period of time or what but overall, he is what that makes me know how to love. Maybe we are young, we are foolish that time. We misinterpret many things but maybe one thing I regret is , I hurt him and I didn't confess my feelings. Just last year, I found his facebook. I saw his face, his photo, my heart thump and I know it's him. He has certainly grown. We had conversations & he remember we had such a 21 year old pact. One more year to go, does he remember? I really hope to finally be able to see him. Be it for lunch / dinner or what, I really hope I can see him. Not many knows how important is he to me, but he is. Reality. Previously, I was so curious in something. Has he been single all the way? Or has he fallen for me and waiting for me? I have no idea what runs through him, but thank you for letting him appearing again. To be able to see his Facebook again is already a gift. A crush that will always be in my heart.
I miss you, Fok Han.

P/S ; If you are wondering where 'XiaoXing' comes from, it originates from him.