#206 ; At a total loss

Teach me how to numb those emotions.
I feel like crap. Really like crap. I am doing all I can not to think of any shit but still, I am feeling all crap. I am lost, I am scared. I don't seemed to feel a glimpse of happiness. I wish all things can go back in time , but it seemed that things got even worse. Lost, but what else can I do? Afterall, I am just literally feel like a dozens of needle stabbing me! Seriously, what the fuck manzxc. I can't think of anything to cheer me up, NOTHING AT ALL! Whatever I do just doesn't feel right, the whole feeling is like crap shit. Shit fucked up! I don't know why on earth such thing has to happen to me. Am I even at the fault right from the start? I feel like a criminal. I feel like dying. I don't know what is this but its eating me up! I swear I hate it. But who can I speak with? Probably alone, I guess. I can't seemed to do anything to make all right again. Right from the very beginning, if you didn't force me none of this will actually happen. On the verge of tears, on the verge of going mad, but what other things can work? Probably I am the biggest loser. I am trying to find things to cheer myself up, fake through all the way but its literally eating me inside out. Fuck the shit, but what the fuck can I do to not fuck things up. I want my happiness back. Since the day she's back, all things has never went well. I felt like I am a loner now, back at the whole that I dread returning to. I know I have a boy there waiting for me, but sometimes it's not just him to be my all over the world. I came upon a website, a website that I am reading. It's quite inspiring. But probably I am in the state of loss that it doesn't work on me but I love the words he written. Each feelings I can feel it. I am tired. Really tired. I am only 21 years old and I have to face such shit already. This is what life is. Who knows 20 years down the road, I will reflect and tell myself so this kind of shit exists. Right now, though its not 20 years down yet I am feeling all the negativity more than all the positivity. What else can I say now? I am very tired. Very crappish for all this funny feelings. Words, can you make me feel better? I really need someone, something, anything, whatever thing to just cheer me up! Cheer my whole soul up. But looks like everything is crashing down and hitting me like a fucker. Oh well, what do I do now? Happiness feels so far away from me. I miss those innocent smiles, those days that happiness are the brightest. But it seems like no one give a shit/fuck about you right now. What smiles are, really are? Everything is a fucked up nonsense piece of shit, totally crap like nobody's business... Let's try to smile through the rainbow and tell yourself, everything will be fine. Frankly speaking, I feel myself going to be depressed for a period of time. Very tired. That's all I am feeling right now. Probably my world is gloomy, that's why I am feeling like this. Never have I thought that emotions can be such a deep impact towards me. How silly, uh. Let's get back working, I don't want to type anymore. The more I type, the more I think, the worse things will get.

http://www.discoveringhappinessnow.com/ ; Something that probably cheer people up with their real stuffs.

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