#510 ; Goodbye
How many goodbyes have I said this year? Two.
This year, I said goodbye to two of my grandparents. One of them is my mom's mom who I lost on 20 April 2018. One of them is my dad's dad who I lost on 9 June 2018. I bid farewell to two grandparents this year. I guess, the biggest impact that hit me so badly was my mom's mom. She is the first funeral that I have really attended and going through the whole process. When I think about it, it still makes my heart very sad. Going down for the past four days, it breaks my heart further.
I still remember the day she was hospitalized. I took urgent PM leave to see her. I held her hands. I called ahMa. She wasn't doing well. Half side stroke, blood pressure very high. ahMa have to be in the hospital for a period of time. I remember nightly visiting her. Even just looking at her with all the pipes. I know deep down, I can't deal seeing ahMa like that and I can't bear to say goodbye. I know ahMa can hear me. I am thankful to be able to see her when she is in the hospital. All of us know that ahMa doesn't have long to live. It's a matter of time. A week passed, no news. I am happy for that. Few days later on 20 April 2018, a phonecall came during lunch time. My mom called and tell me that ahMa has passed away. No one was there for her, she just left without saying goodbye. She left when she knows no one was looking at her. She didn't want anyone to be sad so she left. I was shocked, speechless, loss of appetite, don't know what to do. I worked with a heart that doesn't feel good. It was raining when I left office early. I joined with my cousins for the next few days folding papers, attending everything together. When I reached Bishan, my heart sunk even more. Seeing ahMa's photo, her coffin, everything. I am lost of words. I wish I can talk to her more. I know I miss ahMa. Yes, we don't speak much but ahMa's way of calling my name, ahMa's way of sharing her stories with Desmond and I. It melts my heart everytime we hear it during Chinese New Year. It feels like everything happened so fast. We just lost ahMa like that. The past days during ahMa's funeral, relatives shared about how ahMa has already made plans for this day, how ahMa has prepared all the birthday red packets for her grandchildren's birthday. ahMa know she is saying goodbye. But we all don't know when and do not want it to come any sooner. But yes, in the end we have to say goodbye still. I finally cried. But I am grateful for ahMa for letting me see her for that split second. Many can speculate but thank you for ahMa for that final glimpse. I miss ahMa so much. ♥ Every 20th, my heart miss her a lot. I don't know why but tears will just flow suddenly when ahMa appeared on my mind.
{1926 - 2018}
阿嬷，一辈子地爱你。
Thank you ahMa for being my ahMa. I love you. ♥
This year, I didn't head over to Woodlands for Chinese New Year. So technically the last time I saw Yeh Yeh was my wedding day on 21 July 2017. Yeh Yeh has always been a quiet person mentioned in the eulogies done by Dad, Jeremy, Uncle Federick and Aunty Yen's husband. Memories of you is not as much as I have of my grandmother. But I remember you to always spelling my name wrongly for the red packets you give me every single year. It's OK, I don't blame you for that. That's what make you special. When Dad told me you passed away, it came as a shock. But I guess when the time comes, we can't say no. Daddy God decided to bring you with him. I hope you are at peace, YehYeh. Watch over Po Po, Godma and everyone else okay.
{1935 - 2018}
YehYeh, 一路走好. God will always be with you even in death.
Thank you Yeh Yeh for being my Yeh Yeh too.
How complicated the 'Teo' family is, I respect you and always love you too. ♥
// So thankful that my ahMa and Yeh Yeh 有生之年能喝到我这个孙女的茶和你的外孙婿的茶
Losing two grandparents in less than two months proved to be quite an impact to me.
But I am glad I got married and both of you have the chance to attend my wedding.
