#435 ; First post for Y2015

I love hugging someone, it always make me smile.
Today is my first day of work in Y2015. Amazingly, just like that it has passed by a year. Each single year passing reminds me feel old. Makes me remember how I always do not look forward to each year passing. I am never a kid who loves New Year. I even remember crying because it's a brand new year. Maybe I am just an emotional kid. But each year feels like, I left behind a lot of memories especially all those memories. Have you ever ask yourself, "What have I done this year?". I think I ask myself all the time. This time round, my answer will be "I did many things and create many more memories in my life." I like to remember stuffs. But the contradicting part is unhappy memories also come. So I kinda always embrace happy stuffs. For unhappy, it just come, hit me hard, and I will be in my emo zone for awhile. Super contradicting, uh. Love my memories but I will be so damn emo because of the unhappy ones. So, I kinda just accept it. So are you going to ask me if I am sad today.

To be frank, yes I am. DAn came into my life, wreck my thoughts for awhile and I guess I am also missing Bboy. So it's like those unhappy emotions came. Yea, the hurt DAn created. It's still inside me, I still remember the love we shared despite it's only a few months. Not a year, not ever six months but the hurt he left behind is so unimaginable especially when I love him most. If you were to include Randal, that will be a different case. But it's always nice remembering Randal. He made me remember how first love feels like and I was so innocent. Oh my gosh. But well, DAn is the best yet the worst. So I kinda thought about us, thought about the times we had. Glad it ended otherwise I think I will suffer more than I can imagine. Oh my! What an attack of memories.

I am a lover, I love a lot easily. But I suck at making people feel loved. I hope I am able to change that aspect in me. I can give you anything but I am not good with people. Gifts, presents, I am good. But when it comes to interaction, I suck more than anyone else. My face can't hide how much I hate that person. I feel awkward, I don't like what's running inside me. I don't know if this is lack of self esteem or just me. Ha. I think I become so depressing. But well, it's a new year. I want to be a better me instead of making Bboy upset or anyone upset. I did something silly. I told Winnie, "Happy New Year, I miss you." I was really missing her. LOL. She just wish me, Happy New Year in return. That's good enough cos I get to interact just a bit. Maybe I will make the effort to talk more. I think I am just too anti social into my own life till I lose a lot of people.

Jeez, what a super duper long essay! I think I am whining quite a bit till I am not doing much work. Supposed to do work but I realized I key in almost all, so I am left with checking. I want the weather to make me smile because gloomy weather can make my mood really down. I am silly, I know right. Talking to me makes you vomit blood. Ha. I hit 2015, I don't know what's gonna come but I have to be prepare.

The year comes meaning, it's another step to my future.
Another step to become a Mrs if all things go well. 
Another step to determine will I study or not. 
Another step to love more than hate more.
Another step to not fall sick so much.
Another step to stay a virgin or not to stay as one.
Another step to accept the world.
Another step to cook a meal for my loved ones.
I can only keep trying and stop procrastinating, isn't it?

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