#378 ; W

She has the ability to either crush me or heal me if she wants to. I miss you, W. Yes, always have been since the day we last met. I know my memories with you can never ever fade away because you meant the world to me and always, you're the only best friend I have. I am not a person who have friends easily. Maybe due to the way I speak, my anti social style or what not. But still, despite how much we hardly speak, we hardly meet or any means to maintain our relationship, I value us. Us, because you taught me what's friendship, what's ok to love more than yourself. You are like my lover but in the sense of a friend, a best friend / soulmate which I can pour each and every single of my soul to. I know we have fought before, but I am always living in the memories of us. Us. Times when we watch movie together, times when you bought me to eat, times when you bought bubble tea for me to cheer me up, times when we are irreparable. You will never ever be replaced by anyone. Along my life, I might have met many other people but one thing stay, you will always be my best friend. W, whether you drop by here and see, I know you know I love you more than words can say. I love the friendship we shared minus those fucked up stuffs. If I can rewind time, I don't mind changing my choice to your school. Maybe I might still be shy or a gamer or someone that still have you in my life. I know if you are in my life, my boyfriend will not ever exist. Or maybe he will still? I have no idea. Do you know how glad I am whenever I see pictures of you? You rarely appear, when you appear, you create many emotions in me. Not many can do but you are a definite. I guess you're one of a kind, one that I cherish for a lifetime. Be it we will finally be back or not, please know you are forever the best friend I met 11 years ago. Fond memories of us will always remain because we grow up together, I learn to love someone more than a lover. Many may doubt why am I doing this to myself but the answer I can only give is, you were the one who bought me back from Hell. Despite how many times I upset you, I wish I can undo them and be back with you, W. Best friends don't give up on each other, that's why every year you make my heart spin when you wish me happy birthday and I will always give you present. Because I want to reach out to you. I want us to be back.

How much of words can we speak? How much can we ever say? Words are never ever enough whenever I write a post about you, W. W, you must always be fine. Alright? I still love you and always will be loving you. Please remember that. You have my number. Even if I change, I will let you know because that's why I am always hoping somewhere inside your heart, I still exist. Loving you is the best thing God has given me the day when my world was previously destroyed. You pick up my pieces and fix me. You are always the best and forever as well.

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