#363 ; Stupid Danielle

That's exactly how I feel sometimes.
Deep down, I am just that girl who craves to be loved. Honestly, sometimes when such negativity start attacking me and making me all insecure, grumpy, sad, fucked up, no one seemed to cure me except myself. I think I am a total wreck, when all hell break loose, I go crazy, go bonkers, go all emotional. I don't get it at all. Seriously, all I ever know is certain thing can trigger that emotions of mine. It is not that easy to attack but when it comes, it doesn't just fade away like that. It lingers, it haunt me, it makes me cry like a baby which I did in the day. I know if I blame the whole universe, it's unfair. So I blame myself. I blame myself for being such a crybaby, always wanting to feel a bit more. I guess my birthday is always the time where I found out that he doesn't care. Maybe he does but he feels like my mom / dad whenever that happens. Suck a lot, but what else can I do? I whine, I cried, in the end I get scolding. Who actually will ever tell you, hey gal, cheer up, ok! I admit I need presents, I want presents, I want things to make me happy despite the fact I have been being the man instead of the woman. Yes, you are stressed over work but who isn't? I got a bad leg, I fall sick easily. I know that, but I am doing all I can to make myself better. I want to lose weight but I am procrastinating, I know that. I have to start soon, I have to stop whining. I want to be strong, not this. My mood is still down but I am fixing it.

Maybe this entry will cheer me up? I don't know. Just need to release whatever inside me or else I am going to go crazy soon. Bonus so near yet so far, extra money came but just not bonus. Shitty, but how? This is life, how the fucking life works. Let's be positive and I hope my bitter sadness go away really soon. All the fucked up shitty feeling must go away! Dayre, Blogger, thank you for always being there to hear me.

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