#360 ; 不要指望
To have a better life, you must sting in every little thing.
When the world demands for more than just a thing, why give in? I have been giving in each and every single time. For a change, let me do something different. Be it got heart no heart, I will do it. I am that real and honest. Why fake where there isn't a point. Right? You want to suck me dry, think first please. I am not a fool. I have Desmond's eyes to see for me too. Well stop trying.. it doesn't work on me. For I know certain things won't change. Let it be then. I don't want to cause unnecessary tears or pain to myself. I am 22. I can think. You don't, it's your problem. Really. Sometimes what doesn't kill make you stronger. You do your way, I do my way. Realistic. Well, this is how life have to be.
I have a house filled with dramas every single day, which consists of the 'best' mother who just think my two other siblings are the best damn thing on earth. I suck, yea I agree on that. I can't study, my results are bad, I have a boyfriend, I give you more much money. I don't deny about how suck I am. But seriously, I wonder how can my 'best' mother on earth just keep defending my siblings. My sister has a really bad temper, and she only choose the right side to go. She tends to want to gain more than she less. From the beginning, in her eyes we are just nothing but a disgrace to the world. I have no idea why you dote her so much? Because she can study? Because she gives you a lot of money (but in the end, she still stuck it up from you)? Because she talks to you more than me (yea, I am quiet. I am not denying about that)? Oh my, I don't understand. She can quarrel with you , burst out crying and you suck it up. Ya, you are a mom yet your daughter is like that. Well technically, it's my sister. For my brother, I know you always loved him more than words can say cos he's a boy. You love boys and I get it. So my dear brother can study, triple science. But, he self mutilate, threaten to die because he doesn't want to go church camp. He even quit his job when it's just left with a week to go to prevent the penalty. So you begged the agent to let him off. In the end, you still pay a lump sum of amount. Oh mom, I know we are poor but whatever you are doing is practically draining each single cent out of you. The problem about why I hate giving you money, but love buying food for you is because you have the tendency to just spend and demand more. A leopard never change its spots. Don't you ever dare to tell me that it's for my future because you spend money like everyday is your last day, so this is why I saved more than anyone else. To be rich, you have to scrimp and save. Who does that nowadays? No one, maybe there is. A couple of handful? Because most people only care about get a relationship, have premarital sex and married at a young age without planning a future.
How much is a bloody darn house this days? 3/10 of a millionth? I buy a pair of shoes, I make sure I have enough funds. So I scrimp like fuck to have a better life. I don't understand, I guess. For the fact, life isn't a bed of roses so I suck it up and be a happy girl each single day despite I might have unhappy times too. I don't usually nag at people unless I feel like I am forced to. I care. But certain things, I stopped caring. Maybe I do but not as much as always. Call me a fucker, dickhead, whatever. I am fine. Because for the fact I am a better person than ever, I am glad for it all.
