#319 ; Be firm

Nothing but just a person.

Work stress. I think everyone faces work stress in life including you, you, you and even me. But some people are good at handling work stress, while some ain't. So some resort to quitting their job, face the incoming battles or maybe just die. Well, I am just stating examples. Everyone has work stress here and there, where can you actually find work that is relaxing without stress? Impossible. Because politics are everywhere to attack you bad. So that's one thing you must understand. Well, a matter of fact I think I was blinded when I was in my first. Because I know there are politics but I never knew it was that cruel till I came in touch with my second. Yes, they are one place that I am pretty much surprised. That is one place I learnt a lot of valuable lesson, about being smart in work. Someone once told me, "In _ _ _ _, you don't get to learn about the work but you get to learn the people and be smarter." Thank you, Jasmine ♥. I broke down in total of three times in the second and for all the wrong reasons when I think about it. It's either my emotions has been locked away and it finally exploded or because I was being forced.

My sunny sunshine look couldn't stay with me long though that is my best medicine. That medicine always leads me to many sunshine in my life. That's why I always believe in being positive even I know my heart is feeling all negative. I can be a mask, a facade, or whatever it is. But I learnt to face reality. Like my Bboy♥ once told me, the world is cruel but I do not believe in him till all the breakdown in office and all the faces I see. No one can fully be honest with you. Definitely, all are wearing a mask. If you find one that you know that h/she deserve to be more than a colleague and a friend, you are lucky. I found two in the second but they left. What's amazing, we still meet, talk, chat, and most importantly, they are ones worthy to be known as friends despite no longer as colleagues. Friendship can be built in colleague, but it's a matter of whether are both willing to make that step. Probably my style of English sucks and my command always bring in wrong meaning. But I come to terms to myself after crying yesterday. I may dislike you but I respect you. I am never going to care or put any emotions in it and just basically leave my life, work it out and do my part. I have to admit, it is almost impossible to think I might want to cross the line after colleague. For what you say, you did, you unknowingly hurt me. Yes, you are a total showoff, but I accepted that and be a bit closer to you than the rest. Because you had a bad day, you deemed me as the enemy all of a sudden. I am definitely not going through that kind of hurt because you are not worth it. I work for my money, work for my future. My Bboy♥ is the world to me , not you or you or any of you. I may tell you how suck this job feels but I get over it quickly. How about you? Because of a phrase, you think I am splitting my job really well with you. Well, I confess I don't like the other one's style but I kept helping. No matter how much I whine, I get over it the next day and move on. But from today onward, I am not going to put a lot of emotions on it. Your Christmas gift, it will still exist. It's just a simple thing you want, so have it. I ain't going to use my thinking brain cells to make any more. I want to spend my time caring for the loved ones that deserve them. Colleagues / Friends, I don't give a shit when it comes to you anymore. I will only care if I think I should. Usual "Good morning", usual ways, but understand this, you have proven to me you are nothing but someone that can unknowingly make a scene over all shit. For her, I got over it. So my work attitude is going to be "You want what, I give you." No point arguing every single thing.

Back to work stress. Sometime people who can't handle it well will just use it on wrong things. Maybe blend with the wrong emotions. I have no idea. No one is perfect. I probably think that caring too much is a crime. A crime that many will make. But I woke up. I am twenty one, still learning but definitely going to be a stronger woman than I ever have been. No one will ever teach you how to grow up. Is your environment change you. You just have to wake up and don't be stupid. Well, my work stress is probably just crazy people everywhere. But it's nothing. I get pass all things easily because I realize the tears I shed yesterday are an accumulated bomb. Well, at least it exploded and you ain't the fucking reason I cried. Maybe a part is but I am better than yesterday, going to be stronger than every other day. Get that fact. I am going to be strong and keep loving my babies. I have more things to care than any other random shit.