#231 ; Happiness fades easily

Life is bullshit , you suffer more than anything else.

The day you were born, we does nothing but cry, cry until our eyes are sore then we go to bed. We happy, we smile. Not happy, we just cry and cry like there's no tomorrow. We don't have the ability to talk because we have not learn how yet. Our voice are practically nothing but just. We are always asking for so many things in the world yet in the end, we get back nothing but pain. When we slowly grow up, its either we can make our own decision or parents leading you up the way. What's worse is who knows other people might not even have to choice to have family or even make decision. If you lead a better life, you get to enjoy luxury, if not you will lead a fucking miserable life. As you get older, decisions is up to yourself. Whatever path you make, it is still reality. We get nothing but disappointment. We thought we can get all happy over all sorts of things yet in the end, expectation leads to disappointment. Being happy is easy , just smile only but no one knows being sad is more easy than happy because when we are exposed to sad emotions it is always there. So what if you can happy? People always think there are not better than another person which cause them to be all unhappy and upset. Compare here, compare there, politics here, politics there, nothing but here and there compare , want this want that. So what if I wish for happy life? It's impossible because there is always something to destroy that glimpse of happiness. Happiness is NOTHING but just words. Who can truly obtain happiness? As long as you catch your hold on love, happiness is no longer in the dictionary. We get jealous, unhappy, sad, emotional all sorts of bullshit feelings. Happiness only comes momentarily. They won't stay there long because happiness is far beyond reach. Deep down you think you are happy but your inner soul is all upset and not happy. Well, this is reality. I am easily happy but I know my inner emotions get emotional super fucking easily. I tend to cry a lot nowadays which shows that I am fucking emotional. I used to conceal my emotions so well till right now, I am no longer good at it. Probably as I get older, nothing works out well. The world is that realistic, human die each single day, people cry each single day, when do you ACTUALLY see news on happy things. Not much? Probably fake stuffs everywhere. I find people dying, people crying, bad stuffs are MORE than anything else. Realistic as it seemed but what choices do we have? I am not a very happy person but I try to lead a happy person's life. To be truly happy, is when you become a monk or nun because they are blinded to all emotions in the world. They are basically holy, seriously. Well, not trying to praise them but I do admit, I want to feel the life that is filled with beautiful colors, but sadly no. We have to face all the other shitty colors to get the day well. Let's just hope I die peacefully without sickness and I can smile while I die. Many people have trunk loads of shit going on and unable to not think. I am grumbling because I find life is so negative. Negative to the sense of everyone is simply not happy in anything. How can you actually find someone genuinely be happy without worries, without a single shit in their life. Life has too many ups and downs. From work to love to friends to family to daily life to every single thing I can think of. Total bullshit of being the happiest. I am not perfect and happy but I try to be happy. At least 5% happy will do.

I have a friend known for almost 5 years. She is one hell of a emotional girl. She is a person who I got tired of trying eventually. I once believed she's worth my time to concern to care, to bother. She is always emo. Emo over every single shit but mainly love. She has been in and out a relationship umpteen times. I tried my best to care for her and she is worthy of my time. I understand she got raped before but it really wasn't the end of time. By changing boyfriends will never help to ease and you should change your attitude. She can get all emo when I am out with her happily. It feels so nice seeing her happy but when you come home, you see her Facebook, her Twitter. It's nothing but emo stuffs. How can one feel? Guess what? After all my care, I thought she do appreciate me yet in the end she backstab me. She told one of my trusted friend I was naggy like a granny. She's annoyed. Instead of appreciating, she say such things. I can't believe it. But how? Move on my life. She's no longer as close to me before. I still love her but I do not love her as much I did once before. Time have changed. Well I say this story is not to ask you give up hope on trying to cure negative people or hate her but its to tell you, life is that negative. Is how we choose to live it. Yes so bullshit. Nothing works out fine. But what can we do about it? We only can move on and make full use of it. That serves the purpose of life. How negative one can get, its all in the mind. Ya, you can blame yourself for the fucking things that happen in life but you have to understand that no one is perfect. We may make wrong choices and be all unhappy but its nothing at all because no one will blame you. We love you and we accept you. How cruel one world maybe, but there are some positive energy around. Ya everyone is shitty, has their problems but so? We can only try to smile, do things to twist all shit. Hard as it seemed, this is life. Your negative can spread worldwide and I do not mean one person. I meant each and single people in this world. As long as you are breathing , you are included. What can we do to make ourselves happy? The answer is nothing because no one is truly happy. Just tell yourself, look forward even the world is crap.

A small dedication for people I love. Yes those I love.
Nope this post is not referring to any of you. Because to me, you guys maybe not the happiest person ever but you guys meant whole world to me. I love you as much as the dark sky needs stars to glitter the sky. Without you guys, my pathway is black. I can't see. Yes you might fade away from me but I know you will be back cos I know you guys love me as much as I love you. Even if one day you leave me in tears, I will not blame you but myself cos I wasn't good enough for you. So no matter what, bullshit in this world may not be cured but you have someone that will never leave you on the lurch. You all meant something to me. Loves.

A random person like me, is always a person with loads of words.