#200 ; Be strong & firm

Fuck you for making me cry, I swear I won't let you step upon me anymore.
Call me weak, call me useless, call me gutless, call me coward, call me anything you want. I am really afraid of being in this place. You won't have any idea how much you can get killed. I don't know why but after crying today, I am determined to be strong. I am really determined to be strong this time round. No one is gonna be a friend, but just colleague. Only those close with me shall be known as friend. I always thought working is a good thing but I guess, I am so foolish. But this time round, I won't be so foolish anymore. I won't drop in the damn hole anymore. I am determined to draw a firm line between me and the people. Certain people really pisses me off. Yes, I should have rejected, I should not even let her touch my computer, yet she happily just go my table, search her name and use my computer which is my name to do things. I broke down, I am feeling what the fuck, I am feeling scared, I am worried what if something happen. A staff gave me assurance that its fine, you are safe. But I ain't going to trust each word he say. This incident tells me, I must not be so stupid anymore. I am definitely definitely not letting anyone kill me anymore. I don't want to play mind games anymore. I am not going to risk anyone outsmart me. I am going to be positive and stop being nice to people. I got the urge to actually sympatize her but after much thoughts, forget it. I am not going to be that nice anymore. I am going to firm up. I do not want to piss my loved ones anymore. I appreciate people caring me, people helping me till the end. That's why I am going to be strong. No more mind games, everything straight to the point. I won't play, I won't be naughty anymore, I will focus on my work, make sure I open my eyes fucking big. I am not going to let that bitch to kill me anymore. I am not going to let anyone destroy me. This time round, I admit I am the weak one. But I do not want to be that weak anymore. So many things happened in my life, I should wake the fuck up. No more fucking games, no more shitty things! Work is to work. I admit I am afraid I will be dragged into this matter. How nice people may phrase, I have to be firm! Really. Thank you for the support and giving me trunk loads of love all the people. How tough, I die die also to save myself. Note to myself, for her part I am going to only do payroll, invoice and cheques. No matter I may piss her or what, I am going to work my part. I do not wish to let her destroy my life. I am determined to work and earn my keep. When its time to fly, then I fly. Not she determine if I should fly or not.

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