#197 ; Can you forgive?
Why do we have so many emotions?
Today, a colleague of mine asked me a random question. A question which I can't found an answer to. Given a deep thought to it but still, I can't answer how did I actually can do such a thing. Have I ever mentioned, "I shared a boyfriend with another girl before?. Well, I did. I did share, further details of my past will be shared next time. If I remember. The colleague asked me how did I do it? What happened to her was recently, she found out her husband was cheating on her with another woman. She wants to salvage the marriage but at the meantime, your heart seemed to be dying day by day. You know a front? She simply give me the feel, she's putting up a front. She wants to forgive her husband but she can't do it. She wants to start afresh with the husband but she can't do it. Her husband is also not doing anything and he simply feels like he doesn't give a shit anymore to their marriage of going 8 years. She asked me how can you ever shared and actually be willing. I was clueless all the way. I can't answer because I know at that point of time, I actually loved that man so much till nothing else matters. I am the non official girlfriend, whereas the other girl was the official one. But I was the one he can hold hand, whispers sweet nothings, be together with all the time but she can't. That's the difference between me and her. But I actually agreed to share.
It's either I was so in love with that man or I was just thinking he can really be mine forever. We didn't end well though. But deep down, I know he's one that I will sometimes stop by and think about it. Probably that's how love works for me. Indeed, it's not easy to share. It's a stupid move as well especially when you know that you have shared the man you love with another woman. I know it's tough to forgive a man who cheat but what else can you do? It's either you divorce or try to give and take. It's not easy but there's nothing you can do about it. You may get all paranoid, scared, nervous, worried etc. But what can you really do? Daily checking in the end resulting worse stuffs or really forgive and forget. I know it's like impossible impossible but seriously, cheating is definitely an offense. I am afraid my boyfriend will cheat too b'coz we have been together for so long. I fear, but what other things can I do? I only can cherish the times we have together. Although they say, "Women's youth is precious", but I have already given up to 5 years to this boyfriend of me. I believed him despite all the shit in between us. I can say, I may fear but I want to cherish this relationship. He's one who loved me despite all the tough part. Though we might quarrel and end up almost breaking up but I know deep down, I love him, he loves me. When a love really dies, you can feel it. You can feel the emotion dying. Yes, I admit I do feel that at times whenever I see someone attractive or whatever not. But it's still the love that tells me, faithful-ness is the key to a stable relationship. I definitely pray nothing goes wrong between us and the only thing I can do is trust. I can't answer my colleague's question, I only kept quiet. No words fit her emotions. We only can support. I guess at some point of time, you will reflect and be puzzled by your actions. Think about it. Can you really forgive a man/woman who is unfaithful?? Everyone has their views, is just a matter what's your views. Oh well, me being wordy over such thing. I don't get myself at times. So don't ask me why such post will come out at random moment.
