#106 ; First Love

First love.

The love that clings to your heart always,

No matter how much pain it has caused,

No matter how many tears have fallen,

First love will never leave my soul,

For first love is the one that begins every single thing.

The one who begin the cycle of love. Everyone has that first love that sparks the beginning of everything regarding love. Well, not say everyone. For those who have fallen in love, fallen out of love, or those who have been in the world of love before. Not saying family love, cousin love, friendship love, but the love that happens between a girl and a boy, a girl and a girl, a boy and a boy. One that you can hold hands with, kiss with and even have sex with. The other half. Not mentioning on the topic of love but first love. I know those who fall in the category of relationship are majority of us. We simply have that one first love to just make everything begin. Well, I am not an exception. I also fall in love and that first love begins my journey or maybe quest. Okay, that sounds so ridiciously lame. But my meaning is my first love taught me what I thought is love. Well, who knows love can be that dangerous. The first minute, it can be sweet and sugary. The next minute, it can be the end of the world. Well, I guess you all have guessed it. I am going to talk about my first love. Well, nothing much. Been having this feel to type about first love so therefore here I am. Letting my words be my friend and share my story about my first love and I.

Let's name my first love, the name I used to describe him. Randal. If you happen to know who he is, you are lucky enough? Oh well! Randal is not some handsome boy, or some charming looking kid. Randal is a boy I know through MapleSEA. Well, I remember I was crushing on a guy named Wesley that period of time. Well , I believed I was crushing on him. Who knows if that's love or not? I have been crushing and de-crushing for the whole time. So I never been into a real relationship. Until I met Randal, I guess? Randal and I met at Kerning City, the place where the ghosts are. I was an average Cleric. Level quite low, slacking there and there I saw. A character died. (FYI , MapleSEA.) So my heart melt, I stayed there till the guy came back. It definitely took him long. So I just continue killing until after I don't know how long, he came back. He was like , he died?! I was like ya, so I helped him train. Seeing him level so low. So of course, we made friends. I can't deny the temptation of online games like MapleSEA. You meet people, you can chat with people, you can get marry, is basically like another life in the other world. So Randal and I quickly exchanged MSN. But he mentioned he was going for camp or overseas. I forgot. So we do chat & obviously he mention that. So I left my number down. I don't think he will contact me ever again. So whatever. But to my surprise, he texted me. I don't quite have much impression if that's my phone or my mom's phone. Whatever. So he did text me. My goodness, that guy texted me. Well, yeah we messaged, we talked. Well, there was one incident he did made me shocked and speechless. He told me while in camp, he used candle wax and unknowingly written something like "I miss you, DanDan.". Well, isn't that so cute? I think so. He was that cute and it kinda made me fell for him. Well, we had conference call with my cousin, Michelle, I think. She kinda made him say that he likes me too. So I heard it. Well, we eventually met up. If I am not wrong, it's after church. We met up at my LRT. I actually packed penknife , in prevention its a pervert. Dafuq. But safety manzxc. I never comes out after a certain timing. So was wondering how he looks like. There he is, a guy in orange. Shocked to see him. He worn orange and khaki colored pants. Well he gave me a present. Glow in the dark stars. Wow, that's so pretty. I loved stars a lot and he actually bought me that. Well, we headed to Westmall to catch a movie. The whole time, I was so nervous and everything. Well, we met up that day and the day after. He asked me out. So on that day, we caught a movie and he asked me if he can hold hands with me. Well, indeed I allowed. We held hands. 25 June 2006 ♥ Well, I remember holidays were ending soon. So time together are pretty short. That day, we took bus to Westmall. He suggested sitting round. Well, he actually held my hands all the way. How sweet can a boy be. Well, then we alighted outside Swiss Cottage Sec Sch. Did kinda a childish thing but he tagged along. What a sweet loving boy isn't he? We saw the brightest star. No idea if its satellite or star. So we made a wish. Obviously, I made a wish got to be about him. Don't try asking cos I don't want say even if I remember. Well, he also made. Then we bus home, after that took the MRT , then LRT. He actually send me home and give me peck on my cheek. The first time I ever received a kiss. Well, didn't allow him to send me to 10th floor but 9th floor instead. Well, kinda the first time a guy send me home. If I am not wrong, the next day is school reopen.

I know I was already getting more and more in love with Randal. My first underground relationship as well. He's special to me somewhere deep down. Since he's the beginning of everything. Well, we do meet up after school when we both miss each other. We can simply just meet awhile but times together are limited. I do remember times when we are just so happy together. He came my house once. I said it was a friend. He told me stories of his ex, sing songs to me, him loving the color pink, dozing off while talking to me, bits of memories together. Well, have to admit even my first kiss was by him. I like the way he hold my hands cos its always so warm and he's older than me. Well, he is also the first guy to send me home. Other than that, almost all my ex boyfriends doesn't even send me home. Don't ask why. I also remembered being grounded by parents but I still choose to meet him. We can walk and walk happily together as long as we are together. From my area to Ten Mile Junction. We never got tired of each other. Well, I admit I was still a newbie for I feared a lot of things. I guess this is one of the reason we didn't make it. It didn't come across me that one day, I will not be his anymore. All I know as long as we are together, that's all it matters. I wasn't his first love, I think I was his second. I don't mind if he had ex or what, as long as his eyes have me. Well, the future never comes in my mind. Only the thought of us. So simple, uh? I remember running to a grass path, just me and him. We had silly times as well. But can you believe I only took less than 5 pictures together with him. We were together for less than three months. But when he left me, I was broken. Totally shattered. Results dropped. Mixed with friends that people known as bad kids. All of a sudden, my life was like shit. I couldn't live without him. I just couldn't be me anymore. I lost the light. I still remember I tried falling into other relationship but it all failed b'coz I only trying to forget Randal. It all didn't work, I love Randal more than anyone else. I was hated by him, who wouldn't? I even got jealous of him hanging out with some girl. Well, I also know the girl. In the end, they were together. I suspected it all along but didn't give much notice cos the more I notice, the more jealous I will be. I am a very easily prone to negativity. But who can stop me? No one taught me anything. I live my life my own way. I did all ways to salvage the whole relationship. But it all didn't work. I know I am thankful for his existence. Well, if you asking me how're me and him.

I met him months ago before working. We met up, we ate McDonalds, he looked the same, he chatted with me. We had our differences but it's the first time I sit his car. I am glad we are friends now. We have gone through so many other things and finally I am able to face him as a friend after finding Jordan. Well, I remember giving him as a final gift , a way of letting go our past and begin afresh. I am glad we are friends. I hope deep down, I was once a girl he do loved. Well, being thickfaced here. He is a sucker and an ass. I swear. But I must say, I am thankful for him showing me how to love. I am glad he left behind so many things for me to reflect on. Silly to be like that cos of a guy but because you left, I found a better one. Not Randal, not Jordan, yet Desmond. My beloved Bboy♥. His story with me, I shall share some other time. B'coz the topic today is my first love. Oh my ~ I sound as if I am still in love with Randal. But nope, I am happy the way my life is. Randal is special enough for letting me able to experience every single emotions of love. Well, I have to admit I am a failure of love. If I get so attached, I get clingy. When I get clingy, I get so in love and paranoid. But with my Bboy♥, it's different. Probably cos he slowly let me fall in love all over again. I was hurt tremendously and I thought he is just going to be another heartbreaker in my life. But it isn't. He become the man I have spend four years and counting on. So impossible to deny that I love my Desmond so much. Well, sorry. Conversation lead all the way to him, supposedly to be all about Randal. First love, all sorts of feelings in it. In between, when you reflect back, you realize how pure and innocent one may be in a relationship. Don't crave for more, just enjoy. Though it's close to impossible to be forever after with first love, but certain people does. They learnt to kiss, learnt to hug, learnt to hold hands, learnt to make love and most importantly, learnt to love each other more though all the bads and downs. That's one part about first love I am envious. Some couple can be from first love to eternity. Though Randal broke my heart, but at least I grew up. Grew up and be a better person despite the fact I wasn't better in the midst. Many people changed in the world of love. Be it good or bad, you just have to experience it yourself and you will know. Not much of a sweet talker anymore, I am just a girl embracing my past, present and future. That's about my story of my first love and me. Below, enjoy the song & the one and only picture I have with him.

Hey dude! Remember all this pictures? Brings back memories, you know. We sure have grown up alot. We have lead our individual life. Well, thank you for all the happy times we shared as a couple. As friends, I am glad we are still friends. Though we are not close as ever, but do remember, you have a friend here. Hopefully, you find your happily ever after soon. I know time will come, just believe. Oh well, I don't know how come I have all this photos but it definitely bring those good old times. We have grown , uh! LOL. Anyways thank you for everything again. Well, this post is just feel only. Don't go anyhow think. Thank you very much. Lastly, take care & I miss your dog ! 

If you think you know me,

Please think again. Don't assume.