#58 ; Day 2 - Your Crush
You will always be one side of my heart no matter what.
Well, I have a crush a long time ago. Maybe until now, he still is? I have no idea. Although I am attached, but deep down I know this crush of mine plays a major role in my life. Yeah, I hurt him, I didn't confess & we didn't end off well. But still, I have to thank him for his existence. I did mention him in one of my post. Not sure if you all still remember. He's none other than Ian Heng Fok Han. Well, let me share my story about me and him. I don't know if it's going be a long post or what but I know you all will realize why is he my crush no matter where I go. Maybe he's no longer a crush, but I can assure he's already a star engraved in the deepest corner of my heart. I will use FH as his inital, rather than his full name.
I know FH via a good friend of mine. Rachel is her name. Rachel was my good friend during my primary school days. We took the same school bus together. On the very last day of school when I was Primary 3, I met FH. It all begun when I mentioned I am going to 4C. Rachel told me, I will be in the same class as the person same as FH. I wasn't that close to boys and I always think that boys and girls should always draw a line between each other. So I only know FH and Rachel always quarrel. Which results me to not like FH as well. So they argued in their ways & I found one guy that's in the same class as me. Didn't quite give a shit about it. Cos I don't know him at all. So obviously, enjoyed my holiday to the fullest. Soon after, Primary 4 has begun. I quarreled / argued quite a bit with FH. But this boy has this special thing that he kept insisting on sitting with me. Yeah, fate bought us together. We sat together. We talked a lot, can you believe that? We talked so much till our teacher wants to separate us. But simply, we kept talking non stop. We don't go recess together but we are always together talking to each other. We even exchanged number and chatted on phone. I remember there was once one of our Tamil classmates was so happy till he kissed him. FH was one guy that I stuck really close with. Even during Chinese Classes, we will talk as if no tomorrow. He will tell me the Chinese Teacher's armpit has so many hair. We even created our own language. I even let him read my diary, he even wrote something there. Well, I remember nicknames for him too. Daffy Duck, Luo Han Fish etc etc. He's one really important friend of mine.
What left me the most memories was when he gotta go to Australia. He told me he will call me when he's back. I didn't believe but he did. He really did call me. He chatted with me for hours! He even told me he'll be back to school. Can you imagine how happy I was happy?! It's very happy. He didn't took bus that day leading me quite sad. But I saw him at the back. I was so happy to the max. He even give me a special present. All the girls doesn't have except me. I do miss the times I spent with him. Having endless conversations, chatting from top to toe, calling each other on phones, trying to push you with other girls, so many memories. I miss them, really. I don't mind going back to time and relieve those memories. Do you know I did wonder if we were to get together in a relationship, how happy we will be. I don't know if we can be happily ever after but I know I did fall for you. I didn't ask myself that till we got separated. How sad can this goes. Endless memories with you. I realized we can't stop squabbling and at the meantime, we simply love to talk to each other as much as I remember. I also remember making a pact with you, to meet when we are twenty one years old. It has been 10 years since that pact. Next year we are reaching 21, will we finally meet each other? I don't know but I know for sure, you will always be a part of me. How can I ever forget this man?
I didn't realize happiness was so shortlived. By the time I found, I am probably fall for you it's already too late. I did things I didn't expect myself to do. But I am glad I can see you for the final time on the day you heading to Australia. I know happiness with you are definite. I remember the time I found you on Facebook. How happy I was. You remember how silly little things. You forgive me. Most importantly, you remember who I am. At times, I do wonder if you really fall for me. If you really really loved me before. I am attached but I know, I don't regret crushing on you very long. I know it's almost impossible to meet you once again but I am happy you are happy as well. What really matters is , thank you for all the memories during our Primary 4 days. You changed my whole life. You affected me with all your lil sickness & I was totally in love with you. Didn't dare to admit before but crushing on you was something to keep me going. Crazy, uh? Maybe a short little message from me to you.
Hello FH! How're you? Miss me? I do miss you a lot. I don't know how will I ever react if I do see you. The only photo of us we have is our primary school photo. How shy was I. Thank you for appearing in my life again. I don't deny that I loved you but probably love is no longer that kind of love, yet just someone so important to me till I can never bring myself to forget. My nickname, my memories with you. All so sweet and happy. Once again, right now I hope you find a sweet loving girl soon and I really hope I do see you. I know it might be a little hard to face it but I am really happy to see you in Facebook. Most importantly, talking to me. I will treasure our memories. I don't know if you will but to me, you're very important to me. Be it a friend/lover/whatever it is, sorry for the unhappiness I caused and thanks for being the best when I was a little girl. Right Angle , Parallel Lines etc . Remember? Just wanna say, no one can understand how important you are to me.
